The Silence of the Goat?

The boss’ mother died last night…. Somber mood amongst my co-workers this morning upon hearing that my boss’ mother, who was wheel-chair bound and had been sick for a long time, passed away the night before. Still, evidently her passing was quite sudden and unexpected. This will really flip our boss out … He is normally extremely hyperactive and bouncing around, and being he has no family or immediate support, we are worried he is going to go to pieces. Good grief, is this going to turn his hyena laugh into a feline caterwauling?

Unclear on the Concept

When I last left off, I had just finished a week with two visiting Australian guys and one local Chinese guy. A weird combination and definitely a weird week. All in that one week I experienced such varied emotions ranging from excitement to frustration to meloncholy to confusion.

At my last blog, I was still quite upset that the visit hadn't gone quite the way I envisioned and planned it. I had spent hours researching places to take them on the Internet, and planning routes, parking, etc. But in hindsight, they didn't seem to mind what they missed, and I guess will never know.

For instance, one day we were walking down in North Beach, where it is rich in the history of the Barbary Coast, the Gold Rush days, and the Hippie and Beatnik era. Mark wanted to visit a brewery he saw on the corner, which is actually sort of a modern dive and rather plain. I tried to suggest to him to instead try out Vesuvio's or Spec's which are both steeped in and part of the North Beach culture and extremely interesting to visit. But he was insistent on visiting this particular brewery, so I thought, ok, what the hell, I guess he wants to try some local beers. So we get in there, and what does he order? A Coca Cola! I asked him why he HAD to come to this bar of all the interesting and famous ones in North Beach, and he said he like the 'decor' and that he doesn't drink! ... uh..... Then why go to a BREWERY??? HELLO? And the only decor was some mundane slow-moving fans on the ceiling! That is what I call 'Unclear on the Concept'.....

One evening I told them we were going to a famous 'Happy Hour' at the gorgeous Fairmont Hotel's famous Tonga Room. For the price of one drink, you can pig out on a tropical happy hour buffet for $7.00 with as many refills as you want. So the evening arives, and only Richard shows up at my door. Says Mark doesn't want to go, doesn't feel good, not his thing, etc. Ok, fine. Well, Richard enjoyed it, I think, but the happy hour idea was a foreign concept to him, and he didn't want to try any of the buffet! Would not even try so much as one bite! That was one of the main reasons to go there as it was a VERY cheap dinner! (Looking back now, I suspect that Russell, the Chinese guy, had taken them for a large lunch/dinner before he came to take me out!! Nice!! Never occurred to them I guess that I'd be hungry after work all day!) The Tonga Room is one of San Francisco's best and oldest hokiest environments and institutions still left, offering a thunderstorm and rainstorm with sound and lighting effects that repeatedly takes place as you sit and savor the tropical exotic drinks they serve in there ! Also, they have a lagoon in the middle of the huge room and a floating boat comes out with a live band on it. I wanted him to try out one of the famous drinks they serve in there, but what did he order? A BEER. A plain ol' Budweiser beer! Oy vey.

Another time, we were walking through Chinatown and, by happenstance, ran into a Chinese funeral procession and following that, a unique funerary ritual going on in a small nearby alley. I myself, who have lived in this neighborhood for over 28 years, have NEVER even seen anything like this ritual in ALL THOSE YEARS! It was awesome! Yet, both Richard & Mark stormed through it and by it like it didn't even exist. They were both in such a hurry to get to a car show we were going to, they never stopped for one second to look, observe, take a photo, NADA! The beauty and meaning of San Francisco history & culture that was happening right in front of them was lost on them. They could have cared less. I think they even were slightly perturbed that I slowed down to take some photos myself and watch what was occurring for a few minutes.

Mind you, there were some really fun times. That same day, the Chinese fellow took us all down in his van to San Jose to a T-Bird car show there. What a sight to see about 25 mint condition Baby Birds (1955 to 1959), all in different pastel colors, gleaming in the sunshine. Each one is valued at at least $50K, so my mind was blowing at envisioning the amount of money that was sitting there in that parking lot! After the show, everyone went for pizza, (which I got treated to!), and a good time was had by all. The next day it was time to say farewell, as Richard & Mark were heading back to Australia. Mark wasn’t feeling too well, so on the last day , which happened to be a gorgeous summer day, just Richard came over and we sat and had drinks out on my deck and yakked and yakked. Got a bit emotional when it came time to really say goodbye. Nowadays, you never know when or if you will see someone again when they live on the other side of the planet.

T-BIRDS, AN ALBATROSS AND A COOKED GOOSE

If there is anything I miss more than blogging, it is sleep, and I haven't done much of either in the past week! Trying to be a tour guide for 2 Australian guys last week wore me out, both physically and emotionally.

First of all, never expect Australian blokes to have class or manners. Most of them want nothing more than to drink beer. But these guys didn't even want to DRINK anything, let alone beer or otherwise! (So much for the welcome bottle of Champagne I left for them in their room upon arrival!). And they were not particularly interested in seeing the wonderful sights, foods, wines, restaurants and history of San Francisco that I was offering them on a silver platter. Oh, they did go along with some of my ideas, but more to appease me than themselves. But all in all, the only thing these guys wanted to see was CARS.....! And not just any cars... T-Birds to be exact! You see, both of them are classic convertible T-Bird owners (one has a '63 and one has a '64). Oh, how wrong I was to expect them to enjoy being toured around in MY classic red '65 Corvair convertible (which looks spectacular, if I say so myself!), since they were into classic cars!! But Oooooh Nooooooo.... MY car didn't count. They didn't even take any pictures of it or me in it! Like it didn't count. How rude. Well, thank you very much!

My friend Richard wasn't as bad as his friend Mark. Mark,... or "MOK" as he pronounced his own name, age 50, couldn't care less about anything except T-Birds. Mark has a girlfriend of 5 years back in Oz, and when I asked him what he was bringing her back. "Oh nothing" was the reply! Now, mind you, he had to go buy an extra, extra large suitcase while here to take home all the car toys he had bought himself, so I asked him if he missed her while he has been here for 3 weeks. "Not really.... but I can't wait to get back to drive my T-Bird...".... Geezus, poor girl.. Why would any girl put up with that attitude is beyond me. It was hopeless trying to impress SF on him.

Richard was slightly more interested, but even then, since the two of them were together, it was almost as hopeless with him as well. Both were 'tired out' from doing Hot August Nights in Reno for a week and after that, the T-Bird 50th Anniversary Convention in Portland for a week. Richard, however, being my long time friend and almost a family member at one time, was more willing to leave Mark behind a couple of times and go with me on some jaunts, which he did seem to enjoy.

One gorgeous day, I took him across the Golden Gate Bridge in my top down convertible and drove through Sausalito. Then we proceeded to go to San Rafael where my mother lives. Along the way, I stopped to show him the Ross Seminary and Church where my ex-fiance and I (his brother-in-law) were going to get married in 1977 and where Richard, a Cockney, was going to be the driver of the going-away car, a London cab. Well, 28 years later, there we were standing there taking it all in and pondering how life had changed. Me, fatter, he balder and all grey. It was very bittersweet and rather emotional for me.

Afterwards, we drove to my mother's house, picked her up and took a wonderful ride out to Pt. Reyes National Seashore and little town. Stopped and had bar-b-que oysters and beer in nearby Marshall and then drove back to mom's house. That evening we enjoyed looking at pictures & slides from long ago and then had a wonderful bar-b-que in the back garden on a warm summer night. Richard had his very first experience with an artichoke, which was rather hilarious as he didn't know how to eat one! I made a real American dinner- chicken, ribs, corn on cob, mashed potatoes and artichokes. Finished it all off with my mother's cherry cobbler & ice cream!

Mark refused to come along that day as he said he would 'BE BORED' and it wasn't his 'thing'....! HELLO???? His first time out of Australia, his first time abroad, his first time in the beautiful Bay Area, and he would have been BORED by a trip across the Golden Gate, through picturesque Sausalito and over to Pt. Reyes and the Pacific Ocean??? It's just as well he DIDN'T come with us as he would have been like one of those birds out at Pt. Reyes seashore, AN ALBATROSS!!

But the real spanner in the works during their whole week's stay here was a Chinese fellow named Russell who lives here in Chinatown...!.

How does a Chinese guy from here figure into all of this, you ask???

Ah, well, that is where it got complicated and annoying. Seems like Mark knew this dude through the T-Bird Club and who was also up in Reno with them. So unbeknownst to me, Russell set them up in the hotel in Chinatown, and promised to take care of them while in SF. Evidently Mark and Richard never really cued this guy in that I was even in the picture. They told me someone was picking them up at the airport, and that was fine, as it saved me a trip. But little did I know that this guy not only would completely usurp my sightseeing and tour guide plans for them that I spent weeks planning, but would continually try to completely leave me out!

The first night they arrived, I drove my shining red convertible to their motel, with plans to all go out for drinks and dinner somewhere picturesque, but fairly close. First clue I had that things would get complicated is when the Chinese guy and Mark REFUSED to go in my car! Why??? THE WIND MIGHT MESS UP THEIR HAIR!!!! Now, true, we were having a foggy evening and it was a cool night in SF, but c'mon! Geez, these guys acted like GIRLY MEN!! And they were guys that OWNED convertibles themselves! Also when I told them we would be going down to the Wharf area to a cozy Italian seafood place with a great view, Mr. Chow Mein says "oh, no - not touristy Fisherman's Wharf!! Let's go to HENRY'S instead" ...... Well, you wanna know where "Henry's" is???? IT IS IN THE HEART OF OUR PROSTITUTION & DRUG DISTRICT, the Tenderloin area! It's a ratty, dirty and dark area of SF!! Granted, 'Henry's' probably has good food, but it is NOT somewhere you take people on their FIRST NIGHT IN SAN FRANCISCO!! Anyway, Mr. Kung Pao acquiesced, and agreed to go to the restaurant I chose..... but he and 'MOK' still refused to go with me and went by themselves in Mr. Kung Pao's van, while I drove Richard and I in my car! Completely idiotic since parking is always difficult in SF.

Anyway, we then get to the Wharf and go in to have a drink at Castagnola's, and that's where I find out that no one wants a drink but ME! Well, Richard did give in and have a beer, but the other guys just had a Coca Cola. (Gee, guys, why not try a Shirley Temple!!!!!) Onward to dinner, and when we got served, they kevitched and complained that there was TOO MUCH food on the plate!! In all my life, I don't think I ever heard men complain there was too much food!! I was surprised these girly men didn't order milk with their meal, for Pete's sake.

After dinner we all drove back to my place for dessert and coffee. I had fixed coffee, a chocolate torte and my infamous Chilled Vodka in a block of Flowered Ice. Well, no one wanted dessert (!) and no one had a clue of what the hell that was in a block of ice!

Right off the bat I picked up on the fact that Mr. Moo Shu was gay, but Richard & Mark not being as savvy to the gay scene here, were completely oblivious to that fact. And also right off the bat, I could see that this dude wanted to BE IN CONTROL. God forbid, a WOMAN be the tour guide and show these guys around SF!!

Be Sure to Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair....!

This whole past week I've been playing tourist guide to 2 men from Australia! What an experience! Richard, who now lives in Victoria Australia, is originally from England and was my then-fiance's brother-in-law. His daughter was going to be our flower girl at the wedding... A wedding that never happened. I never got the husband, but I ended up with in-laws!! After more than 30 years, I am still friends with most of my ex-fiance's family and Richard is one of them. I'm so blessed that they never forgot me and that we are still close. He is here in America with his friend Mark to see CARS!! They both own and are into classic T-Birds and just got back from Hot August Nights up in Reno and the big T-Bird 50th Anniversary convention in Portland Oregon. Now they are visiting me in San Francisco for a week, and we have been running around trying to cram everything in. The plan was to round out their car experience by tooling them around in my 1965 Corvair Monza red convertible!

The first night they were here, I actually had a date with THREE men (!) which made a pleasant change from my usual number of ZERO! So, I drove over to their hotel in my hot little convertible and picked up Richard, Mark, and a Chinese fellow who is also a T-Bird enthusiast and lives right here in SF, and whizzed them up and down a few hills with the top down while a cold agressive fog rolled in. Mark and Richard were FREEZING as they are used to really hot weather in Oz-land, but well, you know what Mark Twain said about summer in San Francisco.... "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco!" ... Lately, the days have been pleasant in the mid 70's, but at night this dang fog rolls in and it's as cold as hell. We then got warmed up with drinks at Castagnola's at Fisherman's Wharf and then had a wonderful, cozy seafood dinner at Pompeii's Grotto.

However, as I drove back home that Sunday night, I noticed that my brake pedal was almost down to the floorboards... ACHHH! Certainly not a good thing in a City full of STEEP HILLS!! And here I was just a few hours before, telling them "Boy, it's a good thing my brakes are good!!", as we sailed down the steep hills, including the very curvy and steep Lombard Street, the 'Crookedest Street in the World'!!

So Monday morning I decided to do the wise thing and dropped my car off at the mechanic's shop to have them check the brake fluid...... Well, shoulda known my luck.... Turns out the reason my car was low on brake fluid was because it had all leaked out!!! Then the shop tells me that my car is going to need a new master cylinder, 2 front wheel cylinders, and also most likely, 2 rear wheel cylinders which will cost somewhere between $400 and $500!! Not only that, but they have to LOCATE all the parts! They even suggested I spend the time to find the parts myself!! OH NO!! Tell me this isn't happening!! I need and want my car to show the guys around, and now here I'm ending up with a non-running car again!! I was freaking out... plus I had no time to hunt down the parts myself! Luckily I talked them into doing that for me, as so they should. So right now I am without my car!!

Monday night, since we couldn't go far, I had them over to my place, and we just had fun yakking, looking at old photographs, drinking some beers and ordering in 2 huge pizzas. They couldn't get over the size of our pizzas!! Then last night Richard wanted to go to the Hard Rock Cafe to see what kind of car they had over the bar, but we were disappointed that the new Hard Rock here at Pier 39 doesn't do cars over the bar anymore! In any case, we ate there at the Hard Rock, fooled around Pier 39, saw the honking sea lions that gather there on the pier, and then ended the evening by going for traditional San Francisco Irish Coffees at the infamous Buena Vista Cafe. Afterwards, we took a cable car back up to Broadway, and ended up walking up 3 very steep hills until I thought we were all going to collapse!!! They also couldn't get over the angle that cars were parked on the steep 40 degree hill!

Toward the end of this week, I'm planning to take them out to Haight-Ashbury, where all the love-ins of the 60's took place and where hippie and flower children still to this day hang out, very much like back in the 60's. We'll take in some of the funky shops and bars and watch the hippies with orange hair walking around, see hard-core Grateful Dead devotees sitting on the sidewalks strumming guitars, and smell the unmistakable aroma of weed waft through the air, heavy enough to get you high without so much as one inhale!

Also on the agenda is an evening at the Fairmont Hotel's hokey-but-fun Tonga Room; a ride to Pt. Reyes to have bar-b-qued oysters and beer; a down-home American bar-b-que of chicken & ribs, corn on cob, mashed potatoes, and strawberry shortcake; a T-Bird car show in San Jose; Chinese food; Indian food; and who knows what else!

Today the mechanic called me and said the car would be ready for me to pick up after work.. But then right before I was going to head over there, they called again and told me that the supplier of the wheel cylinders sent over one wrong one!! So now it was NOT ready and they would have to try to get the right one tomorrow morning! Oy vey!!! Let's hope it will be done TOMORROW or I'll be screaming louder than a seagull on meth...!

I'm Still Breathing!

Yes, yes, I'm still here! Long time, no blog, and that is because I have been pre-occupied with two Australian blokes who are visiting me here in San Francisco from Melbourne this week. (But that's another story coming later!) Between my 'exciting Kindergarten' job and being a tour guide, I haven't had time to catch my breath, let alone blog! So, I'm going to try and catch up in the next few days.

Suffice it to say, my not blogging has NOT been because the hijinks and fun and games at work have ceased! On the contrary..... things continue to be insane here. Got in trouble a week ago for, god forbid (!) using 2 extra manila envelopes!! I was told to carry a pile of loose papers about 8 to 10 inches thick over to another building. (That's a lot of paper!) So in order to be careful in case they were dropped or the wind picked up, I logically put them inside a big manila envelope. WELL!!! Geez, all hell broke loose, and I was reminded that 'THESE COST MONEY!"...... Well, golly gee, just strap the damn papers on my back like a pack mule, then, and tell me to giddiyup!!!

Oh, and remember sometime back I mentioned that some lady got all huffy with me when I took her FINISHED lunch out of the microwave in the pink lunchroom and told me "NEVER TAKE SOMEONE'S LUNCH OUT OF THE MICROWAVE!"? Well, guess who did that very same thing to ME the other day!! YES. This dingbat who made such an issue out of me taking HER lunch out, even though the 'DING' had gone off and it was done, had the audacity to take MY lunch out of the microwave, and I caught her redhanded! I gave her the coldest staredown you ever saw, and I'm sure she caught my drift. Unbelievable.

I Flunked Kindergarten!

Ok, this is starting to resemble Ripley's Believe It or Not..... One of my co-workers just now passed by my desk and informed me that I am putting the numbers on the wrong way on the pages!! ACHHHHHHHH!! Evidently, I'm supposed to be putting them on vertically instead of horizontally! So now I have to peel them all off and put them back on the other way! Tell me this is not happening. Tell me I am on Allen Funt's Candid Camera. Tell me I am being Punk'd. Tell me I am really in Aruba. Tell me I am only having a nightmare!

The only thing horizontal is going to be ME from collapsing from CutandPaste-iosis and the noxious fumes of the glue! Can you get Carpal Tunnel from scissoring too much??? Can I claim workers' comp for excessive Glue-tosis??

As I sit here trying to come to terms with this inane project and fighting off a glue-induced migraine, my boss is in his office across the hall cackling away, laughing like a hyena on the telephone. He has such a loud, annoying laugh that it echos all the way down the hall like some god-awful disembodied mummy in a tomb! Then on the other side of my partition, my co-worker is yakking on the phone a mile a minute in Filippino. I guess she figures that if it's in a different language, it isn't wasting time on the phone. Yet the other day when I called my own home number to pick up my messages, she sort of 'reprimanded' me that 'we' shouldn't make outgoing calls!! HELLO?? Can we say HELLO? in Filippino???

That's it! I'm going to lunch, since this whole place is out to lunch anyway!

Now I Do My A, B, C's....

When I took this job at this law school, I had no idea that I'd be GOING to school!! I feel like a little kid with the tasks I am being given to do. This morning the boss comes up to my desk and hands me a pile of zeroxed pages from a law book. Some parts are crossed off and not needed. I am then told I have to CUT the good parts out and then PASTE the pieces onto a white sheet of paper! THEN, he gives me several sheets of paper with over 300 little numbers on them and tells me to peel off each number and paste it on the pasted zeroxed page of the law book!! So now I am CUTTING and PASTING! This is absolutely demeaning and ridiculous. I am not a publisher. I am not an editor. Isn't this something the Reprographics Dept. should be doing?!! He tells me this project will take QUITE A WHILE!

I have been at this all day now, cutting and pasting, pasting and cutting, with the GLUE STICK, ad nauseum! B-O-R-I-N-G!!! I have already gone through 3 glue sticks, and I'm getting high on the GLUE!!! In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if some of those addicts who loiter around in front of the building might be ex-employees who had my job and became addicted to the damn glue!!! And if I keep this up, I might be out there with them with a glue stick stuck on the end of my nose!

Here is my 'post graduate' work .......


And here are the little numbers that I have to cut out one by one!.....

Here is where I have to stick the little numbers!......

And don't even ask me where I would LIKE to stick those numbers!!

Off to the Tower!! Off With Her Head!!!

Last Friday morning, we were told we had to go to the TOWER! Egads -- images of guillotines, chambers, dungeons and rats floated around in my head, as I pondered what the heck was in store for me now!! However, the building that houses the student dorms is called the Tower, as it resembles an old castle on the outside, and up at the top are the Deans' offices in rooms that resemble rooms in the Tower of London! We had to go over there for a department meeting with the Dean.

As we got in the elevator in the lobby, I suddenly noticed my boss cringing and cowering like a little boy... evidently he has a phobia with elevators!! As we rode up to the 20th floor, he flattened himself so flat up against the elevator wall that he almost looked like Wile E. Coyote after getting smashed by the Road Runner!

Upon arriving on the 20th floor, we had to walk through several rooms that had floor length windows which afforded us gorgeous views of San Francisco. However, it quickly became apparent that not only does the boss have a fear of elevators, but also has a fear of heights! Now, what happened next, nearly blew me away....! Are you ready for this???.... All of a sudden, he started telling us a story about when he was a little kid and what his father used to say to him..... "I'LL BE THE ENGINE AND YOU BE THE CABOOSE!" .... Before I had time to figure out what the hell he meant, he GRABBED AHOLD OF MY HAND!! He was so scared of walking near the windows, that he held my hand through 3 rooms, as he continued to recite this little ditty!!! I was so flabbergasted that my boss was holding my hand, that I all I could do was just blurt out a weak, half-embarassed laugh... And then when I tried to let his hand go, he says "Oh no! We are separating!!!".......!!!! GEEZUS.

During the meeting, I took notes. About work? No! I took notes as to what I would blog about next!!! Have you ever been in a meeting where you not only don't understand what the hell everyone is talking about, but don't really care anyway? Well, that was it. Some of the exciting topics they brought up was the Fed Ex situation where we have to trot down to some Chinese guy on Market Street to bring the Fed Ex packages instead of dropping them in the Fed Ex box because our bills are not paid (!) , keys for the new offices that were ordered 3 weeks ago that no one has any knowledge of where they are or when we'll get them, and the DOING THE MAIL routine. And since we were in The Tower, I was sitting there wondering if they were going to now ask us to do CHAIN MAIL!!

In the middle of the meeting, my boss decides to introduce me... I'm thinking, "Oh please no....! I just want to remain as invisible as possible..."... Then he says, "Hi everybody, I'd like you to meet Karen, the APPOINTMENTS COMMITTEE GODDESS!"..!! WHAT??? Now, I've gone from a mail clerk to a Goddess! And since when was my title Appointments Committee 'Goddess'?? I was hired as a Word Processing Technician! This is getting more hairier every day.

I happened to have my camera with me that day, and as everyone went into another room, I lingered a bit and managed to sneak in a couple of pictures... Below is the outdoor deck of the Tower, and as you can see, really does resemble a fortress....


Then I couldn't resist taking a pic of the WALLPAPER in the Dean's office!!! It looked like some old lady's bedroom in the 1940's!!

After the meeting adjourned, it was announced that we would be having refreshments. "Gee", I thought, "now that's kind of nice.. At least they give us something...". Well, as we went into the other room for the refreshments, I see only one tray, and the only thing on it is some Filippino bread of some type that some lady brought in! That was it!! JUST BREAD!! Nothing to drink, just bread!! NOT EVEN BREAD AND WATER!! Geez, even Henry the VIII gave Anne Boleyn a last meal !!!