T-BIRDS, AN ALBATROSS AND A COOKED GOOSE
First of all, never expect Australian blokes to have class or manners. Most of them want nothing more than to drink beer. But these guys didn't even want to DRINK anything, let alone beer or otherwise! (So much for the welcome bottle of Champagne I left for them in their room upon arrival!). And they were not particularly interested in seeing the wonderful sights, foods, wines, restaurants and history of San Francisco that I was offering them on a silver platter. Oh, they did go along with some of my ideas, but more to appease me than themselves. But all in all, the only thing these guys wanted to see was CARS.....! And not just any cars... T-Birds to be exact! You see, both of them are classic convertible T-Bird owners (one has a '63 and one has a '64). Oh, how wrong I was to expect them to enjoy being toured around in MY classic red '65 Corvair convertible (which looks spectacular, if I say so myself!), since they were into classic cars!! But Oooooh Nooooooo.... MY car didn't count. They didn't even take any pictures of it or me in it! Like it didn't count. How rude. Well, thank you very much!
My friend Richard wasn't as bad as his friend Mark. Mark,... or "MOK" as he pronounced his own name, age 50, couldn't care less about anything except T-Birds. Mark has a girlfriend of 5 years back in Oz, and when I asked him what he was bringing her back. "Oh nothing" was the reply! Now, mind you, he had to go buy an extra, extra large suitcase while here to take home all the car toys he had bought himself, so I asked him if he missed her while he has been here for 3 weeks. "Not really.... but I can't wait to get back to drive my T-Bird...".... Geezus, poor girl.. Why would any girl put up with that attitude is beyond me. It was hopeless trying to impress SF on him.
Richard was slightly more interested, but even then, since the two of them were together, it was almost as hopeless with him as well. Both were 'tired out' from doing Hot August Nights in Reno for a week and after that, the T-Bird 50th Anniversary Convention in Portland for a week. Richard, however, being my long time friend and almost a family member at one time, was more willing to leave Mark behind a couple of times and go with me on some jaunts, which he did seem to enjoy.
One gorgeous day, I took him across the Golden Gate Bridge in my top down convertible and drove through Sausalito. Then we proceeded to go to San Rafael where my mother lives. Along the way, I stopped to show him the Ross Seminary and Church where my ex-fiance and I (his brother-in-law) were going to get married in 1977 and where Richard, a Cockney, was going to be the driver of the going-away car, a London cab. Well, 28 years later, there we were standing there taking it all in and pondering how life had changed. Me, fatter, he balder and all grey. It was very bittersweet and rather emotional for me.
Afterwards, we drove to my mother's house, picked her up and took a wonderful ride out to Pt. Reyes National Seashore and little town. Stopped and had bar-b-que oysters and beer in nearby Marshall and then drove back to mom's house. That evening we enjoyed looking at pictures & slides from long ago and then had a wonderful bar-b-que in the back garden on a warm summer night. Richard had his very first experience with an artichoke, which was rather hilarious as he didn't know how to eat one! I made a real American dinner- chicken, ribs, corn on cob, mashed potatoes and artichokes. Finished it all off with my mother's cherry cobbler & ice cream!
Mark refused to come along that day as he said he would 'BE BORED' and it wasn't his 'thing'....! HELLO???? His first time out of Australia, his first time abroad, his first time in the beautiful Bay Area, and he would have been BORED by a trip across the Golden Gate, through picturesque Sausalito and over to Pt. Reyes and the Pacific Ocean??? It's just as well he DIDN'T come with us as he would have been like one of those birds out at Pt. Reyes seashore, AN ALBATROSS!!
But the real spanner in the works during their whole week's stay here was a Chinese fellow named Russell who lives here in Chinatown...!.
How does a Chinese guy from here figure into all of this, you ask???
Ah, well, that is where it got complicated and annoying. Seems like Mark knew this dude through the T-Bird Club and who was also up in Reno with them. So unbeknownst to me, Russell set them up in the hotel in Chinatown, and promised to take care of them while in SF. Evidently Mark and Richard never really cued this guy in that I was even in the picture. They told me someone was picking them up at the airport, and that was fine, as it saved me a trip. But little did I know that this guy not only would completely usurp my sightseeing and tour guide plans for them that I spent weeks planning, but would continually try to completely leave me out!
The first night they arrived, I drove my shining red convertible to their motel, with plans to all go out for drinks and dinner somewhere picturesque, but fairly close. First clue I had that things would get complicated is when the Chinese guy and Mark REFUSED to go in my car! Why??? THE WIND MIGHT MESS UP THEIR HAIR!!!! Now, true, we were having a foggy evening and it was a cool night in SF, but c'mon! Geez, these guys acted like GIRLY MEN!! And they were guys that OWNED convertibles themselves! Also when I told them we would be going down to the Wharf area to a cozy Italian seafood place with a great view, Mr. Chow Mein says "oh, no - not touristy Fisherman's Wharf!! Let's go to HENRY'S instead" ...... Well, you wanna know where "Henry's" is???? IT IS IN THE HEART OF OUR PROSTITUTION & DRUG DISTRICT, the Tenderloin area! It's a ratty, dirty and dark area of SF!! Granted, 'Henry's' probably has good food, but it is NOT somewhere you take people on their FIRST NIGHT IN SAN FRANCISCO!! Anyway, Mr. Kung Pao acquiesced, and agreed to go to the restaurant I chose..... but he and 'MOK' still refused to go with me and went by themselves in Mr. Kung Pao's van, while I drove Richard and I in my car! Completely idiotic since parking is always difficult in SF.
Anyway, we then get to the Wharf and go in to have a drink at Castagnola's, and that's where I find out that no one wants a drink but ME! Well, Richard did give in and have a beer, but the other guys just had a Coca Cola. (Gee, guys, why not try a Shirley Temple!!!!!) Onward to dinner, and when we got served, they kevitched and complained that there was TOO MUCH food on the plate!! In all my life, I don't think I ever heard men complain there was too much food!! I was surprised these girly men didn't order milk with their meal, for Pete's sake.
After dinner we all drove back to my place for dessert and coffee. I had fixed coffee, a chocolate torte and my infamous Chilled Vodka in a block of Flowered Ice. Well, no one wanted dessert (!) and no one had a clue of what the hell that was in a block of ice!
Right off the bat I picked up on the fact that Mr. Moo Shu was gay, but Richard & Mark not being as savvy to the gay scene here, were completely oblivious to that fact. And also right off the bat, I could see that this dude wanted to BE IN CONTROL. God forbid, a WOMAN be the tour guide and show these guys around SF!!
posted by LADYGOLD at 12:30 PM
