Breaking Rules and Breaking Things

Last Friday I got called into the boss' office. Oh oh.. I had a feeling what was coming. Yes, indeedy, it was the 'FRIDGE' issue AGAIN!! Someone relayed to my boss that the culprit was described as a 'short blonde woman' (HA!!!), (God, did they find forensic DNA evidence?? Did someone call Nancy Grace?). So I had no choice but to Mea Culpa!! But why should I be ashamed anyway?! What the hell was my crime? Putting a sandwich into a fridge!? And it was on my 2nd day here, so what did I know as to whose fridge it was or that it was literally a federal offense to put a sandwich into that damn fridge!! This was just toooo much. What a waste of time and energy, when we have REAL terrorists out there and drug addicts and theives right outside our building's front door. Anyway, I was astounded that at the end of our meeting, my boss actually apologized to ME for this even happening! He said it was the ''FEDS' ,(who primarily occupy this building), who were the ones who decided to behave in this petty manner. Well, that made me feel a little better knowing my immediate boss wasn't holding this against me, but to think that it even went all the way up the chain of command to the Personnel Dept and to my boss' boss was just ludricrous. Just that it DID actually occur, in fact, just adds another checkmark in the column marked '"I gotta get outta this place"!!

There are also other ominous omens going on here around this place. I have never in my life had so many things go astray or break before ... Day One I was here, I lost my good earring. Traipsed all over the place retracing my path trying to find it, alas, to no avail.

Then last week, my watch band disintigrated, and I lost my black watch.

Before that, my shoe strap broke one day! Good thing I always bring a back-up pair of shoes, albeit ugly ones!

On Friday, I had on a fairly new outfit that I had not worn before. Thought I looked kinda cute. As I was going out for lunch, I noticed that the side seam near my pocket was coming apart. But no big deal as no one could see it...... or so I thought. By the time I was coming back from lunch down the seedy Market Street sidewalk, I felt an unusually cool breeze permeate a large portion of my body.... I looked down, and to my horror, could see that my whole right thigh is EXPOSED!! (NOT a pretty sight!!!) Now the seam had come apart from the pocket all the way down to the upper calf area of my slacks!! Geez! Would I be busted for soliciting out here on the streets of San Fran???!!! I pulled my jacket over me as best I could, but with a brisk breeze blowing, it was all I could do to make it back to work without completely falling out of my goddam pants!! When I got back into the office, I had to go into the ladies room and pin myself together! I was doing ok until it came time to go do THE MAIL. Sure enough, one slight bend to put Professor Whatchamacallit's mail into his mailbox, and R-R-R-I-P! .... Most all the pins pull out that are holding my pants together! So there I was standing there in the mailroom exposed again! Again, had to go back in the ladies room and pin myself together.

Going home that night, I had to be REAL careful sitting down on the bus, etc. as I didn't want to EXPOSE MYSELF again! Made it all the way home almost, and then all of a sudden as I get off the bus... T-H-W-A-P, CLUNK!!! Now the chain strap on my black handbag breaks, and the bag falls to the ground spilling most of its numerous everything-but-the-kitchen-sink contents!! Geezus. So there I was at the corner of Powell and Bay Street, pinned and stapled together, and now leaning up against a mailbox, trying to repair my chain strap with a pair of tweezers!!

At this rate, I'll have to bring a back-up pair of everything I'm wearing or maybe just bring my clone to work!