BULLETIN: THE FEDS HAVE REPORTED THAT SOMEONE INVADED THEIR FRIDGE!

Omigod.. this is just toooo much. At 3:00 pm today, our boss comes running in our Word Processing office all out of breath and flustered, and says, "THE FEDS HAVE REPORTED THAT SOMEONE INVADED THEIR FRIDGE!!"... Yours truly suddenly froze up and sat there with a rigid-fake smile on my face, as I just KNEW they must have meant me! The boss continued on saying, "No one knows who it is or when it happened, but one of the Feds reported it to our boss!".... I was totally flabbergasted that someone would actually make a big deal out of something that trivial and go and complain to a manager! Meanwhile, I'm sitting there sweating, thinking: "Omigod, do I 'fess up or do I shut up?!!"

Anyway, I did speak up and confessed that near the first day I was here I did try to go and put a contraband (!) sandwich in that fridge down the hall, but I couldn't even do that as that woman (a FED????) stopped me. But I had no idea at the time it was verboten or who she was or who the fridge belonged or even that it mattered, for Pete's sake! My boss said, no it can't have been you as they said there were nasty words exchanged and the person also used the microwave. Nope, guess it ISN'T me then, as I never used the microwave in there and certainly didn't say anything nasty to that lady, except "Why isn't it ok to leave my lunch on one of the empty shelves?". Now maybe in FED-SPEAK, this is called a nasty response. Don't know. Have no idea if they were referring to me or some other person who also BROKE THE RULES!

In any case, how absolutely petty and ridiculous! I can't believe the hoo-har over this! And that someone would take the time to go and complain to a department head is just ludicrous. THE FEDS! Geez, am I now going to get transferred to Guantanamo Bay?

Then I asked "Well, just who ARE these FEDS? What part of the government do they work for and what do they do?" My boss replied, "Hell knows, maybe Alien Autopsies!"

AGHHHHHH!!!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!