Never Cut a Pill in Half at Your Desk......

This is absolutely insane. I have been suffering from really bad headaches all this week, so this afternoon at my desk, I take out one of my cherished last few remaining Vicodin pills that I save for REALLY bad pain, and decide to cut it in half. I want my headache to go away, but I didn't want to fall asleep or zonk out here on the job.

So I dig in this guy's drawers (No, no!!! Not THOSE drawers!!!!!), and find a reasonable shaped tool (No, no!!!! And not THAT tool!!!) to do the job. I clear an area of my desk and prepare for the pill for surgery. The make-do tool cut it in half perfectly.... EXCEPT...... ONE HALF OF MY PILL FLEW OFF SOMEWHERE, AND I NOW CAN'T FIND IT!!! ACHHHHHH!! It's a good thing I'm not real busy right now... I crawled under the desk and proceeded to hunt down the chopped yellow half of the pill. Well, you wouldn't believe the commotion I created, and I am absolutely surprised that no one even noticed the noise and me fumbling around! The paralegal guy across the aisle from my cubicle is so deep into his paperwork, he never even looked up, thank god! You would have thought that I was hunting down the Hope Diamond. I thought I'd easily find it on the floor, as I could swear it shot down there. But no.

So, then came the next step of foraging through the garbage can which was nearby... geez. There I was crouched down behind my cubicle on the floor, taking everything out of the garbage can to look for it! Made my way through a stale half hot dog, mustard packets with semi-dried mustard on them, coffee-stained paper napkins, and numerous straw covers, all to no avail. Ok, maybe it BOUNCED into my handbag, I ponder. Now I am behind my desk removing everything from my humongous black handbag to dig for the half-pill at the bottom of the bag. No go. Did it FLY OVER the partition, maybe? I walk around the other side of partition, trying to look casual and ready with an excuse of "oh, I'm looking for my pen" if someone decides to ask me what I'm looking for. Well, not there, so let's try under and around the phone, the computer monitor, inside the keyboard, and under the computer speakers. STILL NO PILL. Ok, now I become somewhat obsessed. I glance over at the paperclip container.... oh geez, I wonder, could it have JUMPED in there??? And, yes, I do proceed to empty all the paper clips out of the little box to check!!! Does this make me a junkie??? Am I having severe withdrawal symptoms!??? I have even checked the scotch tape holder! Where in the hell did that yellow pill go??!!! Have you ever looked for something til you are blue in the face and still can't find it?!? One last thought..... "maybe it LEAPT into my Coke (No, no!! Not THAT kind of Coke!!!!)"...... I was now at such an insane stage that I actually stuck my hand down into the Coke to feel for the pill!! Now, I am sitting here with a sticky hand and still glancing on the floor, trying to imagine where the hell it went. The ramifications of losing that half a pill has now become a worse condition that the headache I had to start with!! I even checked my hair, thinking it could have RICOCHETED off the cubicle wall back onto my head!! Now, I have the pill doing GYMNASTICS, for god's sake! I need more than Vicodin. I need a straight jacket and Prozac!!